Thirty one years ago today, on September 8, 1979, I became the wife of Lance Carter Deckard, in Canyon, Texas. It's hard to realize that 31 years have flown by. I look forward to the next 31 - or more - with Lance by my side, bezrat Hashem G-d willing).
The rabbis of kaballah teach us that 40 days before the formation of a fetus, a voice rings out in the heavens, declaring, "The daughter of so-and-so is to be matched with so-and-so". This is the moment a person's soul mate is determined.
The Hebrew word for soul mate is besheret. Lance and I have no doubt that we are certainly besherets. There is no way possible that we could have arranged our lives to intersect so we would have the opportunity to go through life together as husband and wife. The odds would have been much to great against such a match.
We didn't grow up in, or live in the same place. Our parents were not in the same social circles, religious groups, or economic bracket. Our personal interests are so very different from each others that we didn't go to the same kinds of activities or events.
I had married at a young age and had two babies when we met. He was single and had never had any children.
He is quiet. I am not.
He is a very spiritual person by nature. I need ritual and programs to reach the same level of spirituality.
We certainly would never have met on our own. But, because our souls were destined to be joined together, our paths in life were heading toward the day of our meeting from before we were even born.
I will never forget the day we met. It was January 29, 1979. I saw him for the first time that morning when he started his new job - in the very office in Dallas where I had been working for a couple of years. I saw him when he walked in the door. I leaned over to my friend and said, "I'm going to marry him."
She looked at me and asked if I knew him. I said, "No. I've never seen him before." She then asked if I was drinking that morning. I laughed and said no, and I could not explain how I knew I was going to marry him, but I did.
Then, after saying it to her I started feeling foolish, but something in me kept saying that I was not nuts. Later in the morning I picked up my telephone and dialed his desk. I don't actually even remember what I said, or planned to say. After a minute he looked over at my desk - only a few feet from his desk, and just hung up his phone. He may have thought I was crazy, a stalker, or who knows what. I should ask him if he even remembers.
I think it was the next day, but it may have been two days, I have forgotten now, but I asked him to go to lunch with me. He said no. I was really starting to think he would just as soon I leave him alone. But a couple of days later he asked me if I wanted to go to lunch.
Of course, I did, and we've been having lunch together ever since. Well, maybe not actually together, but I pack his lunch before he goes to work, and we have lunch together when we are both at home.
Another very awesome thing that kaballah teaches is that the name of every person ever born is written in Torah. Several years ago a friend of ours told us about when he and his wife went to Israel a man had mentioned to them that their names would be near each other in Torah because they are soul mates. They had him run the program with their names, and sure enough, they were near each other right there in Torah. When he was telling us about it I was thinking about how great that would be - to actually see your names written in Torah near each other.
A few years ago I had the blessing of going to Israel. I knew the man of whom our friend spoke. I went to his office and asked him if he could find my name and Lance's name in Torah even though we are not Jewish, nor did we have Hebrew names. He said that, yes, our names are there, and that if we are besherets they are near each other in Torah.
As the computer was running through the program I was very nervous. Actually, terrified. I was thinking about how horrible it would be if he suddenly turned to me and said, "I'm sorry, you and Lance are not near each other."
But when the computer stopped, he went over to the printer and took out a paper. He then came to me and pointed to the page, saying, "Here is your name, and here is Lance's name. You are near each other in Bresheit/Genisis." And some how I suddenly remembered the moment I first saw him and my neshama/soul recognized him. I remembered the words I said to my friend: " I'm going to marry him."
So, today, thirty one years after we became husband and wife I am just as happy as the day of our wedding. We have always had a good time together - in spite of not having a lot in common. It's a G-d thing, for sure.
We have laughed about our actual wedding date through the years. Neither of us actually remember ever talking about getting married, asking each other if we wanted to get married. We just always knew we were going to be together.
When we decided to actually get married it was more of a scheduling thing than a date of some significance. He was working at Bell Helicopter in Amarillo. We were living in Canyon, and I worked at the Randall County tax office. So, we simply had to arrange a time we could both get off, could rent the chapel on the W.T. campus, and the preacher could coordinate his schedule with ours. We didn't go to any church, but he agreed to marry us if we would attend his marriage classes. So, after working out all the details the date was set.
We forgot about buying rings, and didn't have any money anyway. My sister, Linda, bought his suit. I don't remember if she bought my dress, but she probably did. We never had a dime for anything extra. So, on the way to the chapel I stopped at the five-and dime store and bought some cheap little rings: $2.00 each. He still has his. I lost mine someplace along the way.
We had a reception at our house. Our family and close friends were there to celebrate with us. A lady at my office baked our cake. We ate our first meal as husband and wife at a barbecue place there in Canyon.
My (at that time future brother-in-law, Kevin), paid for us a hotel room in Amarillo. He also bought champagne for our reception. It was a fun day for us. When I look at the pictures I realize how things have changed in the years since that day. Especially photography. The pictures make us look like we were married during the days of tin-type photographs.
I'm thankful that our Creator destined us to become soul mates. We are blessed.
